If Only
by Kahva
Summary: In the still moments, Lord Elrond wonders about what might have been, had he taken the One Ring from Isildur so very long ago. One-shot, complete.


_**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything of New Line's or Tolkien's. This fic could fit in either world. I own what's left of my own mind, and what's in my bank account. Which isn't much, let me tell you, so please don't sue. August 2004._

_**Author's note:** This piece was inspired by an interesting discussion on the JulieFiannaArchive, when someone, I forget who, wondered aloud what would have happened if Elrond had taken the One Ring from Isildur at Mount Doom, and someone else pondered on why he didn't try to take the Ring, and the discussion rolled on from there. I wasn't expecting this fic to turn out quite this way, but it pretty much wrote itself. Much Elrond angst ahead._

IF ONLY...

BY

KAHVA

If only I had taken the One Ring from Isildur, none of this would have happened...

Or would it?

I had the chance to change the world with one simple act of will, one moment of action...

I could have taken the One Ring from him. By force. I _could_ have done it!

But at what cost? At what cost, Middle Earth's victory? At what cost, Sauron's defeat?

If I had taken the One Ring by force, what would have been the price? I could see it in the man's eyes when I called for him to toss the One Ring into the fires of Mount Doom. Although Isildur was not under the complete control of the Ring, there was enough influence there that would have made him fight to keep the Ring. He would have struggled against me, the Herald of Gil-Galad. He would not have stopped in his struggles to keep it.

Even though it would cost him his life.

If I had taken the One Ring from Isildur by force, and he had not submitted to me, I would have had to kill him. Descendant of Elros, my brother. I would have had to kill my own blood kin! Is that a price I could have lived with?

Yes.

_So why did I not do it?_

If only I had.

_If only..._

I could have lived with Isildur's death. I would have paid the price asked of me by Man, if they chose to extract it from me.

I would have let them kill me, in retribution for Isildur's death, if that is what it would have taken to save all of Middle Earth. One death is such a small price to pay. One life, for thousands – I would pay that price over and over again.

But thousands of lives for one?

No. No, that is far too high a price to pay. Perhaps that is why I did not do it. Perhaps that is why I did not take the One Ring from Isildur by force. It would not have ended with the cessation of his life, or mine. We would have not stood in Mandos' Halls in peace, knowing that Arda was safe. We would not have been able to look down and smile with joy upon the lands of this Middle Earth. Not even the release of my soul to Valinor would have brought me peace or joy.

Because it would not have ended with Isildur.

Because it would not have ended with me.

Elves and men would have fallen into the miasma of sorrow and pain, only to emerge into a land of brilliant darkness, chaos and hate. One side would have blamed the other for our deaths, and instead of the peace and safety we all fought and bled for, all of Arda would have plunged into the hypnotic dance of war and death. All would have danced until every creek, pond, stream, river, lake and sea ran red with blood of the guilty and innocent.

Sauron, in death, would have won what he so hungrily desired in life.

No, I could not pay that price. It is better that some wonder of what might have been, what could have happened, and think that I had not the strength then to do what they believe should have been done. It is better that those whose thoughts wander down those paths blame me. It is not as if I haven't blamed myself.

It is not as if I still do not do so.

_If only..._

If only I had destroyed the One Ring, my wife would still be here by my side, instead of waiting for me in Valinor. If only I had destroyed that circle of gold, my children would have not been denied their mother. If only I had destroyed that band of evil, my sons would not have been consumed with the fire of revenge. If only I had done what Isildur could not, my wife would not have suffered so horribly. My wife would not have felt the need to leave her family behind in Middle Earth.

She would not have had to seek the comfort I could not give her in Valinor.

What good is the power I have, if I cannot even help the one I love?!

_If only..._

I know now that I could not have destroyed the One Ring either. Sauron's evil, though weakened, would have reached into my soul and twisted me until I could no longer recognize friend from foe, ally from enemy, good from evil...

I would not have been able to recognize those I love.

I would not have known myself.

Instead of the hobbit once known as Smeagol being twisted into the creature called Gollum, there would have been Elrond the Almighty, forged from he who once was Elrond the Half-Elven. My word would have been law, my justice swift and terrible, and all in the land would have listened to my every breath. None would disobey, and for all time there would have been the peace of terror, the order of darkness, and a life of preordained slow death.

I would have been worse than Sauron, and somewhere in the Void, he would have feasted with unholy glee upon the remains of my soul while I bathed on Arda in the waters of anguish, slaking my thirst for pain with the misery of all life on Middle Earth. Nothing would have sated me, not even Eru's heart in my hand.

That is what would have awaited those who blame me for Isildur's downfall, that is what would have greeted those who would have had me take that damned band of metal, even if it meant Isildur's death. Even though it would have set all of Middle Earth against each other. They should take more care with what they wish for.

So should I.

_But if only I could have destroyed the One Ring..._

I could have spared Aragorn a lifetime of exile and pain. I could have spared him the loneliness of not having a father to teach him all the things that a sire teaches his son. I could have spared Boromir the temptation of the Ring during the quest. I could have spared Denethor the loss of his eldest son, Faramir, the loss of his brother and father. I could have spared Bilbo his addiction to the Ring. I could have prevented the evolution of Smeagol into Gollum. I could have prevented the tortures visited upon so many through all the long years by the hands of Sauron's minions. I could have kept Frodo from ever having to endure the pain of being Ringbearer.

And perhaps, just maybe... my daughter would be sailing to Valinor with the rest of our kind, instead of choosing a mortal life. Instead of choosing death.

Sweet Eru, but I shall never see my daughter again once this life abandons her! I do not know if even the light of Valinor can ease this pain...

It is all better this way though, when I weigh the benefits against the cost. It is better that I am the one who bears this pain, than to selfishly wish that I could have eased my burden. The needs of the many far outweigh the needs of the one. Of me.

It is not as if I will not be rewarded for my pain. I shall soon sail for Valinor, and join my wife restored. I shall have a grandson, and many granddaughters. I will watch them from afar in Valinor, I already know I shall be given this precious gift. I can take pride in the man Estel has become, and know that the lessons he has learned will reforge all of mankind into something better. I do not know if they will all remember these lessons once Aragorn departs Middle Earth, and his line fades into memory, legend, then myth. But I do know that they will at least have the chance to keep his dreams of peace alive in the years to come. Man shall emerge from the fires of pain and war renewed and whole, and shall rebuild this land. Elves, dwarves and even hobbits shall fade away into stories and fables to make way for the Age of Men, just as it was meant to be. There will be a new world with new challenges and tests, and new wonders to behold.

It is good that I did not take the One Ring from Isildur after all. Although the price that has been paid for my actions is high, although it has cost me and others dearly, it is still the far better bargain. Until I step upon the blessed land of Valinor however, I shall be haunted in the still moments by what might have been.

_If only..._


End file.
